there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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