Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
