When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
