did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
