Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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