evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
