dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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