I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
