You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
