Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
