woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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