from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
