You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The adults are the big ones right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
