***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
