Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
