Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
