I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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