I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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