dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
handjob tips. give me some.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
