People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
