yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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