last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
