That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
