His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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