He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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