So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
