As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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