Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
