went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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