I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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