: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
