i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
