Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
