i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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