i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
