Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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