Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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