shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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