I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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