I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
