Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
