Will you blow on my dice?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
