i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
