i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
