I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
