And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
