She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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