The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
40s are totally the cure
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
