If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
