last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
