are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I touched a dick in church today
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
