My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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