i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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