Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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